It's all right to tell your former spouse, children, boss, family, or friends "NO". There will be no dark cloud of doom befall you. The sun will rise again, and this is a perfect opportunity for you to practice and learn to turn off those emotions driving you to do too much, give too much, and take whatever others are willing to dish out.
If you're going through a bitter divorce and custody battle, let your divorce lawyers handle the ugly messiness. That is their job, and they understand your stress and frustrations. They are more than capable of dealing with all the issues. You need to take care of your children, getting them and yourself through this new life adjustment.
Due to increased responsibilities as a single parent you may have friends and family who miss the carefree days you once enjoyed for talking and socializing. Maybe at one time your bosses' request for overtime was manageable, but now you have to draw a line. Even your children will test your resilience as the main disciplinarian. You have no choice but to set boundaries everyone will have to live with.
Here's a suggestion every single mom has trouble with - take some time for yourself with NO interruptions. On a daily, weekly, or monthly basis, schedule some alone time. This is not a time for Bible study, although prayer should be allowed, you are never bereft of the Lord. Grab a notebook and pen to write down thoughts, but don't use this time for planning. Fill your mind and notebook with positive, uplifting thoughts, release pent-up emotions, and cry out to your Father. Let this be a building up of your defenses and self-esteem.
Allow yourself to be pampered from time to time, eat right, exercise, get your hair done, and dress up once in a while. Most of all, just say NO!
Amen.
ReplyDeleteI do agree with you on this...It is hard to say no, that is for sure, especially in my culture as Filipino where we are always trying so hard to please others.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the insight.
As a former single mom I must insist that this post is excellent!!! Saying "no" can and is uncomfortable at first but for the most part you will become accustomed to it and before you know it people will realize (hopefully) that your time is just as precious as theirs. Same things goes for boundaries, too. And don't let your kids manipulate. They don't know any different and whether you are single or married with kids they will always push for more.
ReplyDeleteI could not agree with you more, Angela! Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteI am not a single mom, but I take comfort in your posts, because for years I felt like a single mom when my husband was caught up in his addiction.
ReplyDeleteI have several positive thoughts journals and continue to write in them. It's been a life raft for me on the hard days.
Thank you:)
As a single mom, we don't have a spouse to encourage and tell us how great we are. We must have the positive reinforcement, even if it is from our own thoughts or from the Lord. Writing them down is imperative.
DeleteLet's stand together in victory, Hope Sparrow!
This goes for all parts of our lives. My hardest NO is when people ask for blog posts and stuff...I love to say yes, I want to say yes, but I am so busy right now and so short on time. I have had to start saying no. It isn't easy, but it is important. ;)
ReplyDeleteI have a lot of single mom friends, and one thing they have to learn is to say no, or they will burn out. That's true for anybody. I always try to ask God before taking on any new responsibilities, so my default answer is always no unless God positively prompts me to take on something additional in my life.
ReplyDeleteThat is some really great advice, Susan. Being open to the Spirit is important for all Christians, not just single moms. God bless and thanks for stopping by.
DeleteWow, I love this one. We do need to learn how to say no. Life is complicated and this is excellent advice. Having time to yourself is so important. We need time to meditate and just think and be.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and hugs!
You are so right, LeAnn. Thank you for stopping by, as always, and blessings and hugs to you also. 8)
DeleteLynda, so happy to "meet" you! Thank you for your sweet comment on my goodwill find.
ReplyDeleteWhat a challenge you have as a single mom. I hope I can encourage you with this...my dad left my mama after 24 years of marriage. There were three of us kids still at home. She got us into a good church and just remained steady and faithful. She didn't live a life of dating, partying and drama, but worked hard to support us and kept our home peaceful. All three of us are in the ministry, my sister and myself married pastors and the youngest, my brother, has his doctorate and is a leading missionary for his denomination....now those are our "positions", but most important of all, we are all passionate, whole hearted Jesus followers.
Elizabeth, it's wonderful to meet you also. Your mother's story is similar to my mom's. She was very insistent about our church attendance growing up. I'm sorry to say not all of my three sisters have clung to the spiritual upbringing we learned. But, the Word was planted, and I'm grateful for my mom's example of hard work and dedication to her faith.
DeleteThank you for stopping by, and for your words of encouragement. It helps me to press on in my diligent teaching of my son. God bless you!
You are right about children testing to see if the boundaries have changed. A bloggy friend lost her husband several months ago and her children have tested her several times just to see if the rules are the same.
ReplyDeleteYes, we need to learn to say no when we need to. Not too long ago I said no to something. I felt a bit bad but really felt that I needed to say no due to my busy schedule.
Others stepped up, the event went off without a hitch, and I realized how thankful I was that I didn't have the added stress of taking it on, or even of helping with it.